How to Annoy: The Cast of FMA
by Infamousplot
Summary: Ever wanted to annoy FMA characters? Well, now you can! With this convenient list of ways that are sure to bug the crap out of your favorite FMA cast members. /Discontinued/
1. Envy

**Hi everyone! It's me again. This is the second time I've written one of these things. I've decided to write the intro/disclaimer thingy **_**before**_** uploading the document. That way, I won't forget to do it… Again… Oh, this is also the first time I've disclaimed anything (holds up shield to deflect n00b spears). Okay, moving on, this is a series of lists with ideas on how to annoy the Homunculi, the chimera, and possibly other characters. After reading some good lists (and some really crappy ones on other sites…) I collaborated with my friend and came up with some of these. Enjoy!**

**PS: I do not own anything FullMetal Alchemist related, except for (most of) this list. If I did own FullMetal Alchemist, then 1) I wouldn't be on this site right now, and 2) Envy wouldn't have died! ;;**

How to Annoy the Homunculi

#1: Envy

How to get Envy to murder you:

1) Call him a palm tree

2) Call him a girl

3) Ask him what gender he is

4) Once he tells you what gender he is, ask him to prove it (Thank you fear_the_silly_people!)

5) Ask him what sized training bra he wears

6) If you are a girl, ask to borrow one of his miniskirts

7) If he tells you it's not a miniskirt, but a man skirt, tell him there's nothing manly about wearing a skirt

8) Get a ladder, stand two to three steps above him, and shout "I'm looking down on you!"

9) When you're at the beach, start up a conversation with the nearest palm tree. When you see Envy coming, whirl around and shout –loudly –"OMG I thought that was YOU!"

10) Place a bird in his hair –real or fake, you decide! (Thank you Fear!)

11) Drape him in colored lights and sing "Oh Christmas palm, oh Christmas palm…" Then run, before he has a chance to strangle you with the lights.

12) Steal all his miniskirts when he is sleeping, then

Swap them with Greed's clothes (watch in secrecy as he and Greed beat the crap out of each other)

Swap them with Lust's clothes! (Watch as Lust shish-kabobs Envy for going through her stuff)

Die them pink

13) Die his hair a different color while he's sleeping, preferable pink or bleach-blonde

14) Cut his hair in his sleep. Leave the scissors in Greed's room. Watch as chaos ensues

15) Dress up as a palm tree and then run around singing: "I'm Envy! I'm Envy!"

16) Show Envy all of the Edvy, Roy Envy, Greed Envy, and any other yoai fics you can find

17) Show him all the yoai fanart (preferably when Envy is with the person he's paired with)

18) Find a realistic Greed Envy pairing fanart, and give a copy to Greed. Sign it from Envy, preferably with a little note saying something about how "Greed wishes this would happen". Watch as Greed tries to murder Envy

19) Show Envy all of the Lust Envy pairing fics.

20) Show him all the Lust Envy fanart.

21) Show him the Lust Envy fanart when Lust is there! Watch as he tries to rip out his Philosopher's stone to escape the embarrassment.

22) Call him William Hoenheim

23) Refuse to call him anything but William.

24) Call him Will, Willy, Bill, Mac, Buddy, or any other variations of William you can think of

25) Call his true form ugly

26) Call his fetus form cute

27) Ask him if you can borrow his Philosopher's stone. If he says something along the lines of "If I did that, I'd die", say "So?" Run like heck.

28) In the middle of a fight against Ed, when Envy has the upper hand, read aloud an Edvy pairing as loudly as you can. Watch as Ed beats the crap out of Envy.

29) Remember that FMA OVA, when Envy transformed into Winry? Accuse him of doing that just so he could be near Greed.

30) Then, accuse him of doing it just so he could be near Ed.

31) Tell him you think he and Ed would make a great couple. Run and hide for at least a month.

32) Steal one of Father's togas and hide it in Envy's room. Watch as Envy gets grounded.

33) Tell Envy how cute you think he and Wrath would be together. Run before his true form eats you

34) Leave him in charge babysitting Wrathy for a long period of time.

35) Steal his coat

36) Die his coat a pretty color

37) Bedazzle it

38) Dunk his clothes in glow-in-the dark paint, switch off the lights during a fight or at dinner

39) Call his coat a security blanket

40) Ask him about his alias: "Cobbled-together Envy", and what the heck it means

41) Braid his hair in his sleep

42) Steal his chocolates

43) Sing "Dude Looks Like a Lady" every time he enters the room

44) Sing "Psycho Killer" every time he leaves the room

45) Recite all of Shakespeare's quotes on the sin of Envy

46) Handcuff him to Greed

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**Alright, there's Envy's list. Next up will be Lust. If anyone has any suggestions, please send them to me! **

**R&R, or I'll send this list to Envy and tell him you're the one who made it!**


	2. Lust

**Alrighty, the second chapter is UP! ^^ I'd like to thank everyone who reviewed this story! I'm glad it got some attention.**

**Thank you The Deadly Sinner, Oxenstierna D. Yuki-Rin, NebulaCoyote, Mew Phong and Fear the Silly People for their reviews and/or suggestions. *Hands out cookies* :) And now, the many ways to piss off Lust!**

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45 Ways to get Lust to Shish-kabob You:

1) Tell her Hawkeye is prettier than her

2) Tell her Winry's prettier than her

3) Tell her _Envy_ is prettier than her

4) Tell her Pinako is prettier than her

5) Steal all her mags and hide them in Envy's room

6) Take all her revealing clothes and replace them with turtlenecks

7) Cut her nails while she's sleeping

8) Die her hair lime green while she's sleeping. Flee to Germany. (Thanks, The Deadly Sinner!)

9) Show her all the Greed Lust pairing fics

10) Tape GreedxLust pics all over her room. Hide out in Mexico for at least a year. (Thank you, Oxenstierna D. Yuki-Rin!)

11) Tell her –as casually as possible –what a great couple you think she and Greed would make

12) Drill a hole in her wall and tell her Greed made it

13) Or, tell her Envy made it

14) Sing "Bringing Sexy Back" every time she enters the room. Bonus points if you can get Greed and Envy to accompany you! (Thank you fear_the_silly_people)

15) Ask her if you can use one of her nails to roast marshmallows

16) Ask her how she paints her nails

17) Ask her if her toenails can grow out that far too

18) Point out that if you jumble the letters of "Lust", you get "Slut" (Thank you Mew Phong)

19) Replace all her dresses with pink, frilly tutus and the like

20) Call her an old hag

21) Call her an old maid

22) Try calling her "The Wicked Witch of Central", and see how she reacts

23) Tell her the only reason she was created was as fan-service for the male FMA fans

24) When Lust and father are in the same room, tell father –very loudly –that in the first anime, Lust betrays the homunculi (and "forget" to mention Father isn't in the first anime)

25) Show her all the Ed Lust pairing fics

26) Make her read the 10th manga

27) Then show her any Roy Lust pairing pics you can find

28) Call her "Lusty"

29) See how many things you can rhyme her name with (Lusty-Gusty-Crusty-Musty…)

30) Call her "Busty"

31) Show her all the Envy Lust pairing items you can find

32) Write a smutty love letter, sign it from Lust, and leave in Greed's room.

33) Or Envy's room

34) Or Pride, or Sloth, or Wrath (in the manga)

35) Insist –repeatedly –that she and Envy would make an adorable couple

36) If you ever see her sitting close to Envy or Greed (on a couch, bed, or anywhere), scream "INCEST!" at the top of your lungs. Watch as the two leap away from one another, their faces red

37) Ask her if she teamed up with Ed just to get close to him.

38) Or Al (Thanks, The Deadly Sinner (# 37 and 38)).

39) Make her watch the first anime

40) Then, make her watch Brotherhood up to the point where she dies (R.I.P)

41) Call her FAT!

42) Tell her Envy thinks she's FAT!

43) Or Greed.

44) Show her FMA yuri, and watch her squirm

45) Show her this list.

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**Thank you everyone who read this, favorited it, and subscribed it! You all rock! XD Once again, if you read this, please review. The next chapter is Greed. Anyone who had suggestions, feel free. If I don't already have it, I'll definitely use it. Thank you!**

**~Ip**


	3. Greed

**Alrighty! The third chapter of Annoying FMA is up!  
I'd like to thank Mew Phong, Oxenstierna D. Yuki-Rin (I've had to type your name so many times I've memorized it now!), The Deadly Sinner, xX Princess of Xing Xx, Queen NekoChan, and NebulaCoyote (pant, pant) for their reviews. And for all your suggestions! Thanks you guys! You all rock (to tell the truth, I almost feel like I have a fan club XD)**

**Now, without further ado...**

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41 things to do to convince Greed to kill you:

1) Call him Sharky

2) Call him spiky

3) Or Hedgehog (have you seen his hair?), Great White, and any other appearance-bashing nicknames

4) Sing "Big Pimpin baby" by Jay-Z every time he enters the room (Thanks Oxenstierna D. Yuki-Rin!)

5) If that fails to work, play it on the stereo whenever he is talking (Thanks again, Oxenstierna!)

6) Tell him he's a perv and a pedo

7) Steal his porn mags and hide them in Dorchet's room

8) Drench his vest in meat juice, and watch as all his chimera follow him drooling

9) Remind him –laughing –how Envy totally kicked his ass in the FMA OVA without even blinking

10) Tell him he's a Wangsta

11) Steal his wangsta attire and hide it in the rooms of his chimera

12) When he goes to get food for the chimera, switch all the meat out with vegetables. Watch as the chimera prepare to murder him

13) Replace all the food in their kitchen with hamburger and steak. Watch while Loa threatens to pound anyone who even makes a move for it

14) Go to a fast food restaurant with Greed and Loa. When Loa leaves, convince Greed to get a hamburger. When his meal arrives and Loa looks like he wants to kill him, casually remind Greed that hamburger is made from cow and/or a bull is a male cow

15) Show him the FMA OVA (mentioned above)

16) Show him all the Greed Envy pairings

17) Show him a Greed Lust pairing pic and write a note on it that says "Hah! In your dreams, Shark boy!"

18) Take him to see "Shark Boy and Lava Girl", and every time Shark Boy appears, shout "Look Greed, it's you!" Watch as he attempts to hide under the seats as everyone stares at him

19) Tell his chimera he thinks of them as pawns. Watch as they try to kill him

20) Remind him that in the first anime, he had the hots for Dante when she was younger

21) Remind him that he ends up inside of Lin in the manga

22) Show him some Greed Lin pairing fics and pics (preferably when Lin is present)

23) Show his chimera the fan art of them paired with him

24) Leave a Greed Martel pairing fic in Martel's room, and sign it "Love: Greed" Watch as she sets out to strangle him

25) Send him a mug that says "World's #1 son", and say it's from Father

26) Tell Father where he's hiding out

27) Tell all of the salesmen in town where he lives, and give them his phone number

28) Call the Devil's Nest repeatedly and ask "Is this the pizza alchemists?" (thanks, fear the silly people!)

29) Make fun of his nose

30) Steal his I-pod, replace all his rap songs with show tunes.

31) Remind him that, in the first anime, he was technically Envy's step-dad

32) Warn him about the dangers of financial Greed

33) Point at his fur coat and tell him "Fur is murder!"

34) Show him the M rated Dante Greed pairing fics… XD

35) Make him meet his twin from over the gate, Charity (Thanks NebulaCoyote, for 30-35!)

36) Tell him his shield form makes him look like a Mexican Mask (Thanks xX Kit Kat Kitten Xx!)

37) Ask him if he's "Indestructible" then why did Ed stab him?

38) File his teeth flat in his sleep

39) If he says it's not an afro, simply spiky hair, ask why Lust's nails are in his hair

40) While he's sleeping glue condoms to his hair and spray paint "Use protection!" on his shirt (Thank you The Deadly Sinner for 37-40!)

41) Tell Greed that no matter how hard he tries, he will not live til tomorrow (Thanks Mew Phong!)

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**Thanks again everyone! Next up is King Bradely (Manga Wrath/Anime Pride). If you have any suggestions, please send them in! I'll definitely use them! Lee y repasa! Free churros to everyone who habla espanol.**

**~Ip**


	4. King Bradley

**Wahoo! The fourth chapter of Annoying FMA cast! (sniffle) I never thought I'd get this far… Still, it's only four chapters, so I'll shut up. Right now, we're annoying King Bradley, and he has even more ways than Envy! I'm sure he's thrilled.**

**Thanks to Oxenstierna D. Yuki-Rin, The Deadly Sinner, Mew Phong, xX Princess of Xing Xx, NebulaCoyote, Arruby and KingofHeartless'09 for their reviews and suggestions! ^^ Love ya!**

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48 Ways to make King Bradley Cry:

Part one: Anime Pride

1) Call him "Kinbra"

2) Refuse to call him anything other than Kinbra

3) Introduce the nickname to the homunculi

4) And the military

5) Call him old

6) Leave a bran muffin and prune juice on the table for him at breakfast

7) Introduce him to the great Manga Anime Controversy

8) Call him Wrath

9) Ask him "If you see EVERYTHING, do you ever look through Sloth and Lust's clothes?"

10) Or Envy's?

11) Or Wrath's? Call him a pedophile repeatedly after this. (Thanks The Deadly Sinner for 9-11)

12) Show him PridexEnvy (Dude, seriously, it exists…* shudders *)

13) Teach him all about Ed Pride

Part 2: Manga Wrath

14) Call him Pride

15) Yell at him for how terrible he was to "Poor little Selim!" Make sure that Selim (Pride) is present while you do so.

16) Steal all his melons and feed them to Gluttony (Thank you Mew Phong, for reminding me of the melons XD)

17) If he gives you a melon, throw it on the ground

18) Whine about how he never offers you any melons

19) Once he cracks and gives you one, point out blankly that you are "allergic to melons"

20) Lock him in a room with Martel (Thanks NebulaCoyote!)

21) Lock him in a room with Greed (either incarnation)

Part 3: King Bradley in general

22) Cut out an Ouroboros shaped hole in his eye patch

23) Use insta-rust on his swords (Thanks The Deadly Sinner for 22 and 23!)

24) Tell him his wife is cheating on him… With Roy!

25) Ask him if the State Alchemists are his bitches (you know they are!)

26) Show him shirtless fanart of himself (Thanks NebulaCoyote for 24-26!)

27) Ask him how he got his eye patch (Thanks KingofHeartless'09!)

28) Sing "You are a Pirate" from Lazy Town every time he enters a room

29) Sing "Lazy Pirate Day" from Epic Movie every time he leaves

30) Ask "Are you my daddy?"

31) Make him cosplay as Lavi from D. Gray-man

32) Tell him his wife left him… For Jesro

33) Ask him if he has the Geass (I have no idea what that is) (Thank you Oxenstierna for 28-33!)

34) Ask him if he has the sheringan

35) Steal his eye patch and run around wearing it, screaming "I'm a pirate!"

36) In his sleep, glue a hook to his hand. When you see him again, scream "AHHH! IT'S CAPTAIN HOOK!" And then run away screaming.

37) Call him old

38) Leave a bran muffin and some prune juice on the table for him at breakfast

39) Tell him all about how unimportant he is

40) Remind him how he's still more human than all his siblings, which makes him a loser

41) Braid his ponytail while he's asleep

42) Shave his head while he's asleep

43) Remind him –laughing –that in the anime, he killed Selim, but in the manga, Selim is now Pride and he's working beneath him

44) Buy him medicare for his birthday

45) Buy him a hearing aid

46) Leave a walker in his room

47) Whenever he tells you to do something, salute him and say "Aye aye, Captain!"

48) When he's mad, go over, put your arm around his shoulder, and ask sympathetically "Now what did Peter Pan do this time?"

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**Okay! That's everything. Thanks you all for the reviews, I wouldn't have been able to update so soon if it hadn't been for you guys. Next up is Selim (aka Manga Pride). Anyone who has a way to annoy the little guy, please come forth (I'll probably get stuck with him ). You'll get a complimentary melon if you do, too!**

**~Ip**


	5. Manga Pride Selim

**Hi everybody! Guess what, I'm not dead! Sorry for the lack of updats. Selim was harder than I thought... DX Anyway, here's 40 ways to annoy the little boy. Considerably less than the others, but please don't hurt me 0.o Thank you Oxenstierna D. yuki-Rin, The-Deadly-Sinner, NebulaCoyote, Mew Phong, OceanBreeze Warrior, and xX Princess of Xing Xx for your suggestions and reviews! 3**

**Enjoy tormenting the small child XD

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**40 ways to piss of Selim (Manga Pride)

1) Tell him how uber kawai he is.

2) Introduce him to the great Pride Wrath Manga Anime Controversy

3) Tell him his name spelled backwards is Miles.

4) Refuse to call him anything but Miles from now on.

5) Call him "Smiles"

6) Make him watch the first anime

7) Tell him that Pride in the anime is SO much cooler XD (thanks, NebulaCoyote!)

8) Call his shadows tentacles

9) Show him fan art where he uses his shadows for dirty purposes (thanks, NebulaCoyote!)

10) Teach to him the terms "tentacle rape" and "shadow rape"

11) Lock him in a photo development room where it's dark and he can't use his powers (Thanks again, NebulaCoyote!)

12) Make sure those photos are of yaoi fan art (whichever pairing of your choosing)

13) Remind him that he is older than his "daddy" (thanks, Mew Phong!)

14) Make him ask his dad, "Where do babies come from?"

15) Make him watch Teen Mom and/or 16 and Pregnant with his daddy and mommy. Cue awkward moments (Thanks, Oxenstierna! 14, 15)

16) Make him go on the Dr. Phil show with the rest of the homunculi to assess their familial situation (Thanks NebulaCoyote!)

17) Ask him if he considers Wrath to be his brother or father.

18) If he says brother ask him why he calls Wrath 'father'.

19) If he says father tell him that they have the same father, and that that's just gross. (Thank you, Deadly Sinner, for 17-19!)

20) Go up to him, and ask him, "Does baby want his baba?" Lock your doors and windows at night if you value your life.

21) Make him audition for Rugrats or Hanamaru Kindergarten

22) Remind him that since he never ages he'll never go through puberty.

23) Put a cardboard cutout of Michael Jackson in his room (Thanks Oxenstierna, for 20-23!)

24) Ask him, if he's so great and the "awesomest" homunculi, then why is he so weak against flash bombs? (Thank you, OceanBreeze Warrior!)

25) Then, ask him, if he's so great, then how did he manage to get run over by _Yoki?_

26) Ask him, if he relies on his shadows so much, then does he ever have them brush his hair and stuff? (Thanks, xX Princess of Xing Xx!)

27) Ask him if Kimblee tasted like lemons or cherries (thanks (?) Deadly Sinner (if this means something dirty, do not blame me people!)!)

28) Ask him if he captured Al and was manipulating him because he has the hots for him.

29) Teach him all about Ed Pride (seriously, what's up with that?)

30) Have Wrath give him "The Talk"

31) Have Father give him "The Talk"

32) Have _Greed_ give him "The Talk"

33) Sing the "Cuppycake Song" whenever he enters the room (thank you so much, Oxenstierna!)

34) Make him watch the Muppets

35) Lock him in a room with nothing but Barney and Sesame Street playing on the TV

36) Redecorate his room. Paint the walls pink and fill it with plushy unicorns.

37) When he tried to take something from you, smack his hand and yell "Swiper no swiping!"

38) Fill a tape with recordings of "Dora the Explorer", "Barney and Friends", and "Teletubbies", write PRIDE on it with Sharpie, and then leave it in Envy or Lust's room.

39) Watch as they tease him mercilessly for this.

40) Leave a book of FMA hentai dojinshi in his mother's room. Make sure you have "Property of Selim" written in the front and back cover flaps.

41) Introduce him to anime Wrath

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**Alrighty, there you go. Enjoy! And an extra special thanks to Oxenstierna D. Yuki-Rin for helping me out near the end when I was stuck, and giving me so many ideas. Thnx, Yuki-Rin.**

**Next up is Manga Wrath, who I have no ideas for yet, so suggest away! Review! I'll give you Thanksgiving leftovers! We have mini cornbreads XD**

**~Ip**


	6. Wrathy

**Sorry it took so long to update! I've been really busy lately, and have had difficulty getting enough time to upload T.T But, I have officially broken my standing record of ways to annoy FMA characters! Thank you so much, Wrath.**

**Wrath:… I hate you. T.T**

**Thank you all so much for your ideas! I was laughing every time checked the reviews. Thank you all so much! 3 Now, enjoy.**

68 Ways to make Wrathy cry

1) Lock him in a nursery

2) Make him go to Mommy and Me daycare with Sloth

3) Make him go to Mommy and Me daycare with _Izumi_

4) Make him go to Mommy and Me daycare with _Envy_

5) Give him a "Baby Alive" doll for his birthday

6) Fill his room with "My Little Pony" dolls and accessories

7) Show him Wrath x Sloth

8) Introduce him to manga Wrath

9) Show him Envy x Wrath

10) Tell him what a "cute little girl" you think he is

11) When he tells you he's not a girl, stare at him for a long period of time, then run away screaming your life is a lie.

12) Pour him a glass of Red Bull instead of juice. Watch as he destroys the base.

13) Tell him you thought he was Envy when he was little

14) Make him watch "Conqueror of Shambala" again and again

15) After this, soak his clothes in meat juice and make him spend the day with Gluttony

16) Dye his hair hot pink

17) Cut his hair (Thank you Cheap Toaster!)

18) Put his hair up in pigtails (Thank you CelticKawaii!)

19) Call him "Mini-Envy" (Thanks xX Princess of Xing Xx!)

20) Tell him if Sloth is his mommy, then that can only mean Lust is his daddy (Thanks NebulaCoyote!)

21) Tell him if Sloth is his mommy, then wouldn't that make Hoenheim his daddy?

22) Make him get a makeover… From Greed.

23) Say he is dressed inappropriately for his age.

24) Take his Red Stones and say "Drugs are bad!" (Thnx NebulaCoyote, for 22-24)

25) Show him the part in the anime where Envy gives him the candy, and spank him for taking candy from cross-dressing strangers.

26) Give him cornrows (Thnx again, NebCoyote)

27) Sneak up behind him and shout "Look! It's the Gate!"

28) Have Envy baby sit him for a long period of time

29) Introduce him to Al x Wrath

30) Then introduce him to Ed x Wrath

31) Dress him up in girl's clothing; tell him what a pretty little girl he is (Thnx CelticKawaii, for 27-31!)

32) Repeat step 11

33) Ask him if he has ADD or ADHD

34) If he denies it, convince mama Sloth to take him to the therapist

35) Give him the definition of "rape" and "rapist"

36) Tell him that "therapist" means "the rapist." Watch and eat popcorn while Sloth tries to calm him down or Envy beats him up

37) Tell him he's a crybaby. When he goes to Sloth yell "Crybaby!", then quickly run for your life.

38) Somehow get Michael Jackson back from the dead in the FMA universe, then watch the chaos.

39) When Wrath finally kills MJ, cry dramatically while yelling "YOU KILLED MY BESTEST FRIEND!" Beat up Wrath when he laughs at you.

40) Convince Envy to mentor him in the ways of Cross-dressing Palm trees (I must now make a fic about that) (Thanks, Cheap Toaster, for 33-40!)

41) Make him go to Jerry Springer with the rest of his family

42) Make him watch bad TV shows from the 80's (Thank you Oxenstierna-chan, for 41 and 42!)

43) Steal all of Envy's chocolate and hide them in Wrath's room

44) Print out a bunch of Wrath x Sloth pics and paste them all over Wrath's wall

45) Or Sloth's wall, with a note that says "Love Wrathy"

46) Do the same to Envy with Envy x Wrath fics

47) Release a herd of mice in Wrath's room (this might make him happy, but it'll certainly piss off Sloth!)

48) Tell him he's too cute to be a sin, and that he was officially booted from the seven deadly sins, and his new name is now Bill (Or any other name of your choosing)

49) Tell him that if Sloth is his mommy, then technically Ed and Al are his brothers, which would make him related to Hoenheim and –technically –Envy too.

50) Tell him that he has broken the standing record for "Ways to annoy FMA characters" because he's just so darn easy to annoy (Wahoo for me!)

51) Tell Envy Wrath has been stealing his clothes. Watch as he hunts Wrath down.

52) Leave a pamphlet in his room for SADD (Students Against Destructive Decisions), and other anti-drug related clubs.

53) Call him a Chibi-Palm

54) Three words: One Minute Breakfast.

55) Call him a mama's boy

56) Convince him that his "mommy" hates him

57) Tell his "mommy" that he wants to start cross-dressing. After Sloth is done crying over this revelation, watch as she takes him shopping for frilly panties (LOL, thnx Queen NekoChan (55-57)

58) Tell him having your hair over just one eye is "emo"

59) Once again, ask him if he has ADD. When he asks what it is, say "You're too young to know." Then watch as he tears apart the house in rage, then sees something shiny and wanders off to look at it.

60) Tell him Sloth is dead and Lust is his new mommy.

61) Or, leave off the first part and just tell him Lust is his new mommy.

62) OR tell him his new mommy is Envy

63) Tell him it was his mommy that put him in the Gate of Truth. Watch as he chases after Sloth.

64) Tell him that having Ed's arm and leg don't make him human: they make him ugly.

65) Ask him if his teeth are pointy because he's trying to copy greed

66) Put him in a bunny suit and show him to Lust and Envy. Watch as the teasing ensues. (Thank you Deadly-Sinner, for 55-66!)

67) Put him through all of the crappy little-kid-show based tortures Selim went through (see last chapter)

68) Again, tell him he's broken the record for ways to annoy an FMA character.

**Poor Wrathy… XD Well, the next person will be * blows trumpet * -Manga Sloth! If you can think of any ways to annoy him, then send them in! Or Wrath will unleash the power of ADD upon ye all.**


	7. Manga Sloth

**Alrighty, the next chapter is finally up! Sorry for the delay in the update ;; I will be scrabbling to make updates now, but I hope I can keep up XD **

**First, an apology to Queen NekoChan for the number mix up in the last chapter! ;; Second, an enormous thank you to everyone who reviews this! I luv you guys, you're the best -^_^- It's thanks to you that this story has gone so far!**

51 ways to actually get a reaction out of Sloth

1) Pour sparkles all over him and refuse to call him anything other than "Armstrong"

2) Dress him up like a yodeler

3) Drag him into the middle of a football field while he's sleeping. Watch and eat popcorn while the game starts.

4) Introduce him to Anime Wrath. Enough said.

5) Convince Wrath that manga Sloth is his mommy. Watch as Sloth learns the true meaning of Hell.

6) Introduce him to anime Sloth. Tell him that she IS him. Wait to see if he gets a headache or passes out from the mental effort.

7) Tell him he must work for the rest of his overactive and incredibly adventurous life.

8) Arm his shoes with electric wires so that he'll never stop hopping around. Join Envy and Greed in choking to death (with laughter, of course XD)

9) Scream at the top of your lungs every time he stops to rest. Hopefully, this will make him jump a little and try to get away from you (make sure you follow him!)

10) Tell him that nothing is real, all just a hallucination, even you. Wait for some sort of reaction. (Thank you, Queen NekoChan, for 7-10)

11) Tell him he looks like Envy on steroids. Watch as he cries silently in a corner.

12) Ask him if he _is_ on steroids.

13) If he denies it, find steroids and hide them in his food.

14) Tell him Alex Louis Armstrong is more muscular than him. Watch as the fight ensues… If he doesn't fall asleep first.

15) Ask him why, if he's so buff, then why is he so tired all the time?

16) Make him watch the episode where he dies over and over again (;;)

17) Tell him he's a failure at life. Listen as he moans about how life is "Too much effort…"

18) Tell him he was Edward and Alphonse's mommy in the first anime.

19)… Or leave off the first part and just tell him that he's Ed and Al's mommy. (Dis ish mine XD)

20) Tell him that Envy looks cooler than him… Even when he's in is monster/pokemon form thing

21) Give him three times his body weight in caffeine. Watch as he destroys the hideout.

22) Eat popcorn as Father yells at him for destroying the hideout.

23) Run for your life when Father finds out who gave him all the caffeine. Hide in Canada for the next few decades.

24) Make him your bodyguard.

25) When he fails to save you from a serial killer, haunt him for the rest of his life.

26) When he doesn't care, go complain to Gluttony and convince him to eat Sloth. Run away when he tries to eat you instead (Thank you Cheap Toaster for 12-18, 20-26!)

27) Get him tested for diabetes.

28) Sing "I'm Fat" by Al Yankovic whenever he enters a room.

29) Make him wear a sports bra. Watch as Envy chases after him for stealing his sports bra.

30) Sign him up for fat camp.

31) Make him get gastic bypass surgery

32) Operate on him to see if he ate first anime Sloth.

33) Make him cosplay as Choji from Naruto.

34) Make him cosplay as Homer Simpson, since they are both morbidly obese.

35) Make him get a sex change so he can look like first anime Sloth (Thank you Oxenstierna-chan, for27-35!)

36) Ask him if he likes Olivier.

37) Even if he denies it, tell him it's Katherine who likes big muscle-y men, so his stalkerish dreams will never come true (Thank you Mew Phong!)

38) Jump on him like a trampoline (Thanks NebulaCoyote!)

39) Make _him_ jump on a trampoline!

40) Play with his hair.

41) Introduce him to anime Sloth. Tell him she's his sister. Or his mommy (which would make Ed, Al, and Wrathy his brothers)

42) Give him coffee

43) Put an alarm clock in his room that blasts opera music at 4 AM

44) Make him join the Briggs soldiers and go through boot camp (Thanks NebulaCoyote, for 40-44!)

45) Tell him his nose reminds you of a pear.

46) Tell him anime Sloth is more popular than he is

47) Force him to read the dictionary.

48) Convince all of the other homunculi to leave their chores to him! (Thanks CelticKawaii XD)

49) Call him a slowpoke (he is the fastest homunculus, after all) (Thnx RintinDestiny)

50) Enter him in a footrace. Make sure you put tacks in his shoes before hand.

51) Put posters that say "The Armstrongs are my Idols" all over his room. ALL. OVER. IT. (Thanks Starlightneko!)

**Thanks everyone for the suggestions! The next chapter is… Gluttony! If anyone has any ideas on how to make the pudge-ball mad, you know what to do!**

**~Ip**


	8. Gluttony

**Uwwaaaaaaah! T.T I'm soooooooooooooooo sorry that it took so long to update this! Stuff came up, and then I got lazy DX If I ever do this again, I give you all permission to abuse me verbally! Thank you Flipy, for your words of encouragement ^_^;**

**As for the ways to annoy Gluttony, wow. You guys sent in a LOT. Some of you sent in some that were either the same or very similar though, so credit goes to whoever suggested it first. Again, so sorry! ;;  


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**81 ways to get Gluttony to eat you:

1) Tie a piece of steak to a fishing pole and stick the pole in the back of his shirt. Watch and laugh as he runs around the base.

2) Two words: Pac. Man.

3) Pay Oliver Mira Armstrong money to be his personal trainer. Go into the Witness Protection Program to save your life,

4) Hide his Oreos in Selim's room

5) When the Homunculi go to Vegas for their yearly trip, drop him off in the middle of the desert. The place where you drop him off must be a hundred miles from the nearest place with food.

6) Show him the scene in the movie Chicken Run where Rocky saves Ginger inside the giant oven. He'll then ask Hohenheim where his food comes from many times.

7) Try to stuff him inside a giant marshmellow gun

8) Venture inside his stomach to see if he ate Maes Hughes (Lust probably didn't kill him in an AU setting. Gluttony ate him).

9) Get Mei-chan, Nina Tucker, and Elysia Hughes together and have them play on Gluttony

10) Make him watch the movie Heavyweights. When the movie is over, ask him if it sent him a message about his weight (Note: Heavyweights is a family comedy about kids at a weight-loss camp)

11) Throw him in a lake and see if he floats

12) Make him audition for the musical Hairspray (Thank you Oxenstierna for 3-12!)

13) Show him GluttonyxLust and ask him if he ever got a chance "on top"

14) Sign him up for weight lifting

15) And make Ed his trainer.

16) Lock him and Roy in the same room and see who comes put alive

Remind him that he was killed by being eaten (Talk about ironic!)

17) Ask him if Envy, Ling, and Ed "tasted good" and then wiggle your eyebrows in a weird way. (Thank you ELOSSS alchemist for 13-17!)

18) Put a lock on the fridge.

19) Give everyone a copy of the key except Gluttony.

20) Make the keys self-destruct if anyone but the original owner touches them.

21) Make him read the 10th Manga over... and over... and over again.

22) Then tell him that Mustang lived.

23) Make him read the manga volume where Pride eats him (22nd?)

24) Put him on a diet. (Thanks Deadly Sinner, for 18-24!)

25) Make him watch the part where Lust dies over and over and over again.

26) Convince him that Lust died because of him

27) Introduce him to mutated anime Gluttony.

28) Show him all the GluttonyxGreed and GluttonyxEnvy pairings out there (Bonus for those other weird yaoi pairings!)

29)The tell him that those are the only pairings he has (unless you can find worse stuff)

30) Mention that Lust betrays him in the anime. Make sure Lust is present when you do so XD

31) Follow him around everywhere and keep telling him horrible jokes about Lust. Preferably originating from the list of "45 Ways to Get Lust to Shish-Kabob You". (Thank you Queen NekoChan for 25-31!)

32) Call him Fat-Ass for the rest of his life ;)

33) Tell him that slow-dancing will help him lose some kilojoules (26 minutes of slow dancing can burn off about 4-something kilojoules) (Thanks iSleep for 32 and 33!)

34) Hide all the food in the base, in fact, hide all the food in Amestris in places where he can't find it

35) Take an apple pie (or any other large baked good that you like), somehow find a way to restrain him, and eat in front of him. SLOWLY! (Thanks Fear, for 35 and 34! ^_^)

36) Put him on a fruit and vegetable diet.

37) While he's on the diet, watch the Food Channel whenever he's in the room; laugh and remind him he's on a diet whenever he looks at the delicious desserts hungrily.

38) When he doesn't lose any weight after two weeks, put him someplace that can't be destroyed without any source of nourishment. Have Greed let him out after a few months.

39) Convince him that Lust hated him! ... Run for your life when he tries to kill you.

40) Tell him he's a failure at life because he's a screwed up version of the Gate.

41) Take pictures as he cries and show them to Greed and Envy, but run if he tries to eat you.

42) Refuse to call him anything but "Baldy" for the rest of his life.

43) Tell him his head is too small for his body.

44) Convince him his fingers are sausages. Watch as he tries to eat them.

45) Pay random children to make fun of his man boobs. Ship those kids to Canada for a few months after the incident... if they survived. (Yay Canada! More for the clan, Mew Phong XD)

46) Tell him Lust was glad she was killed by Roy because she LOVED HIM! Hide in China for the next twenty years.

47) Tell him he's a GIANT MARSHMELLOW!

48) Tell him he CANNOT go to Candy Mountain with you.

49) If he tags along anyway, put him in the cave and laugh as he loses his internal organs.

50) Go to killfrog . com and show him how chocolate bunnies are made. Watch as he never eats chocolate bunnies again.

51) Go to the same site and show him how turkey's are made. Watch as he still eats a cooked turkey even though you JUST showed him that they're cooked with radiation. (Thank you Cheap Toaster, for 36-51!)

52) (first anime) Tell him that Scar is now his dad.

53) Poke his stomach repeatedly.

54) Call him "Pillsburry Dough Boy"

55) Give him dieting books.

56) Give him lyposuction.

57) Tell him that when he dies, Father will bring him back...in Roy's body (Thanks NebulaCoyote for 52-57!)

58) Stick "I love Roy" posters in his room

59) Use him as a pillow

60) Use him as a trampoline

61) Chuck Roy plushies as him

62) Tell him that he's the least popular Homunculus (Thanks, Starlightneko for 58-62 ^_^)

63) After Lust has died, go up to him, sling your arm around his shoulder, and say sympathetically: "Hey, Lust may be dead...but at least you still have Envy!" XD This is guaranteed to make him burst into tears.

64) Steal one of Envy's parfaits. Blame Gluttony. Watch as Envy tries to murder him. (Thanks, CelticKawaii, for 63 and 64)

65) Introduce him to weight watchers and make him eat nothing but vegetables.

66) Put him on a tread mill and put a doughnut just out of reach

67) Tell him Lust is dating Mustang

68) Cover him in peanut butter and watch him eat himself

69) Ask him if he's expecting then run(laughing insanely)when he asks what you mean. (Thanks RintinDestiny for 65-69)

70) Push him down a hole (May need help with that), tie something tasty to a rope (or Envy, then you piss off two at once XD), and pull it out of his reach every time he jumps for it. (Thanks WingedBirdy!)

71) Tell him he needs to lose some weight every time u see him.

72) Tell him lust will hate him forever if he doesn't

73) Enjoy slapping his nose because it jiggles. Run away to Antarctica for several decades.

74) Enter him and Sloth in a fat contest

75) Take him to McDonalds and run away leaving the tab to him. Watch as he destroys the fast food place.

76) Dress him up as Santa Claus and give him cookies

77) Say his voice is stupid

78) Scream at him, "ROY IS COOLER THAN U"(its Tru XD)

79) Put millions of pictures of RoyXGluttony or RoyXLust

80) Say Lust is actually slut. Watch as Lust kills him for calling her that

81) Put every single Roy item in the world in his room (Thanks Thieving Alchemist, for 71-81 XD)

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**Wooo! I did it! That took awhile... T.T thank you all for your suggestions, and for being so patient ^_^ As a special treat, I will do a double update next time! So please, send in all your suggestions for anime!Sloth and Father (Please no comments about his toga, I already have plenty XD)! Cookies for everyone!**


	9. Anime Sloth

**Here's the first of two updates! I'm trying to do it quicker this time ^_^ Thank you all for your suggestions, and your passion for pissing off FMA characters XD Now, let's annoy Sloth!  


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47 Ways to get Anime Sloth to Drown you

1) Refer to her as the "Community Swimming Pool"

2) Tell her she's Envy's mommy (watch as she bursts into tears)

3) Call her water-arms "tentacles

4) After this, show her tentacle porn involving her

5) Tell her Trisha's zombie is coming for her

6) Jump behind her and scream "ETHANOL!"

7) Ask her why she hasn't been digging the hole in Briggs?

8) Ask if she has three toes like a sloth (Thanks NebulaCoyote, for 1-8!)

9) Show her numerous pictures of sloths

10) Cover her room with pictures of these sloths

11) If you ever go to the zoo with her, point and scream: "Oh no, one of the sloths got loose!"

12) Show her manga Sloth

13) Tell her Lust is prettier. Get some popcorn and watch the ensuing cat fight.

14) Force her to get married to manga Sloth.

15) Have Roy lead the ceremony. After the wedding, change your face and hide out in Los Angeles for the rest of your life.

16) Make her get a job at the Aria Resort in Las Vegas as a showgirl. Never go to Las Vegas again if you value your life. EVER.

17) Make her watch "Born Different: Unbelievable Medical Conditions"

18) Lock her in a Quicksilver somewhere in California for no reason. Let her out in six months. (Thanks Oxenstierna, for 12-18!)

19) Tell her being able to turn into water sucks.

20) When you get trapped in a desert with her, take back what you said, and complain about being thirsty. When she doesn't help you out, start crying. When she still doesn't help you, somehow throw a prickly cactus at her.

21) Make her apologize to Ed and Al for trying to kill them.

22) Tell her that if she doesn't accept the fact she had Ed and Al, that you'll call the cops because that's child neglect, which is illegal.

23) Make her join Ed and Al on their journey in order to do all her motherly duties. (Thanks CheapToaster, for 19-23!)

24) Make her sit down with Ed and Al and tell them about the birds and the bees.

25) Make her have that same conversation with Wrath.

26) Better yet, make her have it with all three of them at the same time.

27) Make her go to mommy and me with Ed and Al

28) Call her fat (Tell her Lust said it first X3)

29) Have Wrath follow her around all day doing the scene from Family Guy,him saying different variations of mom(mommy, madre, etc)

30) Ask her who Wrath's father is... In front of Hoenheim. (Thanks RintinDestiny, for 27-30!)

31) Show her LustxSloth fanart.

32)Remind her that she was killed by a gay midget. (You know it's true...)

33) Show her Manga!Wrath (Thanks Deadly Sinner, for 31-33 ^_^)

34) Tell her that she is Manga Wrath's mommy too.

35) After you tell her this, convince her that Anime Pride is Manga Wrath. Watch the awkward moments unfold...

36) Give Wrath LOTS of CAFFINE! Leave him with her.

37) Tell her she should go on Dr. Phil with Ed and Al to work out their problems.

38) Invite Hoenheim to come too!

39) Show her all the WrathXSloth pics you can find. (Thanks Celtic-chan, for 36-39!)

40) Dye her hair blonde and braid it when she's asleep, tell her Wrath did it.

41) Remind her that Hoenheim was married to Dante long before she was even born.

42) Tell her that manga Sloth is her twin, and that they were separated at birth (Thanks Chariste, for 40-42 ^_^)

43) After you convince her they're twins, show her #14

44) Make her read Wrathy a bedtime story. Print out a smutty Wrath x Sloth fanfic and put a children's book cover over it. This should be interesting...

45) Tell her Wrathy picked it out special for her to read ;)

46) In the middle of winter, shove her outside and watch her freeze like an icicle. Dare Wrath to stick his tongue to her.

47) Watch as she melts in the spring.

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**XD There ya go! Not as many as Gluttony, but I only got so many that time because I didn't update forever... Next up is Father! Just click away, to the next chapter! Anon!**

dye her hair blonde and braid it when she's asleep, tell her wrath did it.

- remind her that Hohenheim was married to Dante long before she was even born

-introduce her to manga!sloth and tell her they're twins seperated at birth


	10. Father

**And here is Father! Thank you all for showing such interest in tormenting him ^_^ I'm sorry that some reviewer's suggestions didn't get used, but it was only because someone else had sent in the same thing/something similar before hand. ;; Anyway, enjoy pissing off Father ^_^  


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70 Ways to royally piss of Father:

1) Tell him you're going to a Greek/Roman festival, and you'd like to borrow his toga

2) Call him Van Hoenheim and refuse to call him anything else.

3) Call him "Daddy!", "Daddio" or "Papa!" Instead of Father

4) Constantly remind him that his 200 year plan was overthrown by a meddling 15 year old boy

5) Remind him that each and every one of his children failed miserably

6) Ask him "What the hell were you thinking when you made Envy?"

7) Tell him what a pedo he is for making Lust

8) Casually start up a conversation about how Greed betrayed him twice, because he was stupid enough to bring him back a second time.

9) Give him one of those olive branch crowns and tell him "It'll go with your toga." Run away!

10) Wrap yourself in toilet paper, then tromp about the base shouting: "I'm Father!"

11) Make Sparta references around him

12) Dress up as a salesman and try to sell him stuff he doesn't need, but knows nothing about

13) Unplug all his wires when he's asleep

14) Do funky things with his hair when he's sleeping

15) Dump out his Philosopher's Stone making stuff in the toilet

16) Put it in a bowl and serve it as punch, tell him you thought it was Hawaiian punch

17) Show him episodes of the first anime

18) Tell him "Y'know, Dante's pretty much a female version of you."

19) Laugh about how he doesn't exist in the first anime

20) Mess with his calendar, and set his alarm clock late, so that he misses the "Day of Reckoning"

21) Soak his toga in meat juice, and then let his Chimera into his room

22) Tell him that Gluttony is "The spitting image" of him

23) Tell him Envy's true form is the spitting image of him

24) Dye his toga pink

25) Show him Father x Hoenheim pairings. Do this in front of his children. Laugh while he cries.

26) Ask why he wanted to marry Truth (tv trope theorysXDD)

27) Tell him that he was reported to the authorities and the people are coming to take his kids away any second.

28) Say he's never going to be as good a father as Hoenheim (Thanks Mew Phong, for 26-28 ^_^ Go Canada XD)

29) Sit on his lap and ask him to tell you a bedtime story. Then run to Argentina. Forever. (Thanks Flipy!)

30) Call him a helicopter parent

31) Make him go to family counseling with the homunculi

32) Ask him how long him and Hoenheim have been in their relationship

33) Shatter his flask

34) Take the flask and drink him

35) Call him "mother"

36) Make him star in a reality show called "Father and Truth Plus Seven". (Thanks NebCoyote for 30-36, and 36 is Epic, btw XD)

37) Arrange a family dinner at P.F. Changs. Move to Louisiana if you want to survive.

38) Take his alchemy books and replace it with trashy romance novels.

39) Tie him to a chair and make him watch Divine Secrets of the YaYa Sisterhood on a loop.

40) Make him attend parenting classes.

41) Have him take care of a baby. Expect a lawsuit from the baby's parents if he or she dies in the care of Father.

42) Play Raisins by Barenaked Ladies whenever he enters a room.

43) Play (No More) Paddy's Lament by Flogging Molly whenever he exits a room.

44) Report Father's bad parenting to Child Protective Services. Then play The State of Massachusetts by Dropkick Murphys at full blast when Child Protective Services come and take away the Homunculi.

45) When said Child Protective Services take away the Homunculi, make Ned Flanders their foster dad.

46) Make him give the Homunculi "The Talk". (Thanks Oxenstierna, for 37-46! Epic as usual ^_^)

47) Tell him he needs glasses when he's in his true form. Put some on him and watch as he screams, "everything got blurry!"

48) Tell him he is insecure for putting all those tubes on himself "just so he can live"

49) Tell him that -even though they're identical -Hoenheim has WAY more fangirls than he'll ever have (Thanks Thieving Alchemist, for 47-49!)

50) Ask him why he looks like Hoenheim.

51) Ask him if he IS Hoenheim.

52) Tell him he's a wannabe. (Or a cheap knock-off)

53) Ask him why there's no Mother.

54) After he replies, say, "But when mommies and daddies love each other very much...". Bonus points if the Homunculi are present. (Yay, Fairly odd Parents references ^_^)

55) Give him a haircut... and a shave... in his sleep... blame Lust and Envy.

56) Dye his hair black with the excuse of "most awesome villains have black hair... your kids also have black hair and there's no mom, so yeah...".

57) Ban him from his chair for a week with the excuse of him needing exercise.

58) Have Buccaneer, Fu, and Izumi be his personal trainers. (Thanks Cheap Toaster, for 50-58 XD)

59) Make him go to Mommy and Me with the homunculi (watch all the single moms fawn over him)

60) Make him watch Ed kick his butt over and over again

61) Tell him he's the reason that Alphonse committed suicide(make him feel very guilty) (WTF, Al committed suicide!)

62) Ask if he made himself look like Hoenheim for a reason(hint, hint)

63) Ask him who his favorite child is in front of all the homunculi (Thanks RintinDestiny for 59-63!)

64) Ask him this when all of the homunculi are present.

65) Introduce him to the anime homunculi.

66) Tell Roy he killed Hughes

67) Say that the Homunculi are much more popular than him

68) Put posters saying "Greed is the best homunculus ever" all over the underground headquarters (Thanks starlightneko for 66-68!)

69) Send him a "World's Number one Dad" mug. Sign it from Greed.

70) Send him a "World's Number one Mom" Mug. Sign it from all the homunculi.

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**And finally, all of the homunculi are DONE! Yes! Thank you all for your reviews, suggestions, and support ^_^ Now, we are moving on from the Homunculi, and onto (blows horn) Edward elric! Yay! Let's all mess with the midget!**

**Two suggestions I will laugh at and ignore:**

**1) Call him short (or any variations of this). No duh he's short.  
2) Make him drink milk. Let's be original people! Obviously these will be used, but there's not need to suggest them. Thank you!**

**~Ip**


	11. Ed

**My God. This is amazing. Ways to Annoy FMA has over 100 reviews, and Ed got almost 140 ways to annoy! This is amazing! Thank you all so much for sending in your suggestions and helping to get this fic so far ^_^ You guys rock! Now, enjoy pissing off Ed... in over 100 different ways XD**

138 Ways to Drive Ed Insane

1) Tell him you've discovered the truth: He's a hobbit, escaped from Tolkein's works.

2) Make him read "Horton Hears a Who" and then ask him if he ever lived on a dust speck.

3) Tell him that no matter how hard he tries, Al the magical genie will never make him taller

4) Pull his antenna off. Move to Jupiter for 10 years

5) Tell him that if Riza and Roy had a kid, he or she would be taller than him

6) Tell him if he and Winry had a kid, it would be teased by Roy and Riza's kid (Thanks Thieving Alchemist, for 3-6!)

7) Send him a pair of stilts (tell him they're from his Daddy, (or Roy))

8) Send him a pink dress, with a ribbon for his hair (tell him they're from Envy, Hoinheim, and/or Roy)

9) When he refuses to wear it (believe me, he will), tell him: "Aw, but you'll look SSSOOO CUTE!"

10) Remind him that he has the same voice as Tamaki (from Ouran High School Host Club), point out that Tamaki is a lot taller than him, in a very obvious manner.

11) One word: Edvy. (Thanks Fear, for 7-11! ^_^)

12) Ask Ed how long Winry and he had been dating

13) When he says their not dating, ask why.

14) Tell him Envy could get more action than Ed can, if he really wanted to (You know it's true)

15) Ask Ed why he never gave Envy anything for his birthday, since their brothers. (Thnx Yep, for 12-15!)

16) Show Envy #15. Watch as he follows Ed around, bugging him and asking where his present is.

17) Ask why he looks so much like Riza, and is he her brother?

18) Show him BradleyxEd

19) Ask how he celebrated last Father's Day

20) Tell Yo Momma jokes

21) Tell blond jokes (Thanks NebCoyote for 17-21! ^_^)

(Because you wanted this posted for so long Oxenstierna, here it finally is)

22) Make him go on a family outing with Hohenheim and the Homunculi. Make sure there is one Homunculi missing, they're in a van, and Hohenheim is wearing maternity clothes and a pregnancy suit. Make Hohenheim say, "Thanks to the magic of fanfiction, this van will fit us all".

23) Record Edward's reaction to it and post it on Youtube

24) Force Edward to chat with Izumi, Father, or Shou Tucker... On Chatroulette. Bonus points will be rewarded if it's all three of them.

25) Make him sing "Like a Boss" at Central's karaoke night. Stop watching/reading Fullmetal Alchemist and read/watch One Piece if you want to live.

26) Invite the Homunculi, Roy, and Mei-chan over to his place for a princess party. Make sure Maes Hughes is there to take pictures.

27) Strap him to a medival torture device to make him taller.

28) Ask if he is lactose intolerant. If he is, make him weightlift if he wants to get taller, and make Armstrong and Oliver his trainers.

29) Force him to re-take kindergarten... With Izumi as his teacher.

30) Watch Edward play Pokémon. If he sends out a big Pokémon, ask him, "So, compensating for your small height?" Flee to Ireland for your safety. (Thanks Oxenstierna, for 22-30! XD)

31) Dress up as a giant wrench for halloween and the go follow him around punching him. Each time you punch him say 'love Winry' (Lol, thnx Mew Phong XD)

32) When you catch him doing something illegal, tell him "the wrench is coming."

33) Every time you see Al and him together, call Al the Fullmetal alchemist.

34) Show him all the RoyEd fics (Thanks White Candy Cane for 32-34!)

35) Lock him in a wardrobe with Roy and tell them your not letting them out until they kiss. Run away as fast as you can cause Ed has no doubt escaped and now you have not only pissed off one alchemist but two and they are out for blood.

36) Steal his automail leg and tell him you will only give it back if he can catch you.

37) Ring Winry and tell her that Ed has broken both his automail limbs and is too scared to ring. Watch and laugh as she proceeds to bash him to a bloody pulp, completely forgetting in her rage to check said automail limbs which are in perfect working condition. If you value your life, take the short time you have before Ed recovers and RUN! You now have a temperamental midget and an angry automail mechanic chasing after you.

38) Convince Roy or a member of Roy's office to give the Elric's a talk about the bird's and the bee's. Watch Ed die of embarrassment.

39) Join Alphonse in his pleadings to keep the cat. When Alphonse gives up keep going and make each of your attempts at asking more and more strange and annoying until Ed either cracks and says yes or he tries to murder you.

40) On a stormy night get Alphonse to help you pick up all stray animals in the area who are looking miserable. Proceed to lock them in Ed's bedroom, making sure that Ed stays asleep (that's not to hard, he can sleep through anything) and laugh when you hear a scream as Ed wakes up to the furry mess that is his bedroom. Tell him Roy did it and take Alphonse with you when you hide from his wrath. (Thanks WingedBirdy for 34-40! XD)

41) Make him go to family counseling with Wrath, Envy and Al

42) Tell him Winery hates him and that is why she messed his automail up in time for the 5th lab

43) Sneak up behind him and yell "MUSTANG ROCKS!" in his ear

44) Tell him Mustang has more fans

45) Explain to him what dwarfism is and give him a official looking paper diagnosing him with it (XD)

46) Take him to Red Lobster. If he orders shrimp, call him a canibal

47) Then run leaving him the bill (make sure Ling was eating with you)

48) Laugh when he realizes him money doesn't work in our world

49) Walk up to Al and ask him if he is the Fullmetal Alchemist (make sure Ed is standing next to him)

50) Threaten to call Winry and/ or Izumi when he starts to get annoying

51) Make him go to family counseling with Hoenheim

52) Argue with him that alchemy is magic

53) Convince him he is related to ALL of the homunculi

54) Plaster Mustang posters all over his room (it wont be hard to get Mustang to sign one saying how he is cooler then Ed) (Thank you, Rose star 321, for 41-54!)

55) Tell him his antennae makes him look like a pikmin. (Dude, it does XD)

56) Tell him his father is washing their clothes together. Watch as he makes a break for the laundry room.

57) Make his worst nightmare a reality: Give Major Armstrong a wrench. Then tell him to rip his shirt off and chase Ed around. Bonus points if Armstrong is dressed like Winry.

58) Put a large electromagnet in the same room as him. Watch as his arm and leg are attracted to the magnet.

59) Lock him in a room with Envy. And Winry. With a wrench.

60) Everytime he walks into a room, play "Iron Man" by Black Sabbath.

61) Tell Izumi about EdXIzumi. Run to a local bomb shelter.

62) Force him to read an AlphonseXWinry or AlphonseXEd fanfic. Double points if it's rated M for sexual material.

63) Tie him to a pole. Then tell Izumi, Armstrong, Envy, and Winry to do whatever they want to him for a week. Take the time to pack for a permanant road trip to Brazil.(LOL Thank you Flipy, for 55-63! Awesome, btw ^_^)

64) Make him look at Elricest pictures.

65) And RoyEd pictures.

66) And EdVy pictures. (Thanks Sketchling for 64-66!)

67) Show him Elricest things when Al is around. Place bids with whoever else is around on how long you think Al will avoid Ed.

68) Show him detailed EdVy while Envy is in the room

69) Show him RoyEd, EdVy, or EdLing while Winry is present. Hide in Switzerland for the next few years.

70) Try to curl his hair

71) Try to cut his hair

72) While he's sleeping, spray-paint his automail pink, or some unmanly color and not only will HE freak out, chances are Winry will too! :D

73) Visit an aquarium, try to throw him in the shrimp tank.

74) If that doesn't work, cry and say "His shrimp family misses him!"

75) Steal his elevator shoes.

76) Lock Roy and him in a closet with Roy/Ed photos. When they come out blushing, point and shout "OMG ITS TRUE!" or whistle and shout "LOVER BOYS!" (Yhnx ELOSSS Alchemist for 70-76 XD)

77) Tell him that Al is dating Winry

78) Tell him Envy is dating Winry

79) Tell him Mustang is dating Winry

80) Put a leash on him, throw a ball and make him get it, and other dog related ideas.(he's a dog of the military after all)

81) Have fangirls chase him around a small, inescapable island

82) Pay Winry to chase him around with a wrench

83) Show Ed from the manga that Envy is his brother (Thanks Rintin Destiny, for 77-83 XD)

Tie him to a chair and play the "Colonel Mustang is dead sexy in a mini-skirt" line over and over again.

84) Break his automail and lock him in a room with Winry and plenty of wrenches.

85) Tie him to a chair and play the "Mustang is dead-sexy in a mini-skirt" line again and again

86) Enter him into the Guinness world records for the shortest person.

87) Make sure he's there when they say 'sorry no professionals'

88) Make him see a counsellor with Hoenheim, Al, Envy, Sloth, Wrath and Dante. Tell him he's got a messed up family.

89) Make Mustang give him 'the talk'

90) or Envy

91) or Al (Thank you Chariste, for 84-91!)

92) Give Envy a thesaurus several hundred pages long with only synonyms for "Short" in it

93) Show him the scene in Bluebird's Illusion when he dresses like a girl

94) Fit as many cows in his room as you can

95) Introduce him to his rabid fangirls

96) Throw him in a room with Pride fangirls. Watch as they yell at him for killing the cutest Homunculus ever

97) Tape it and give it to Envy for blackmail (Thnx Starlightneko for 92-97!)

98) Tell him that, since he changed Pride back to a little baby, he is Pride's new daddy.

99) Tell him that it's bad parenting to not look after his child and threaten to call Child Services.

100) Kidnap Al and tell him that Al went after a cat and got lost. When he asks you how you know that, simply say "Internet". (Congratulations Cheap Toaster for hitting (and passing) the 100 mark!)

101) If Ed asks what the Internet is, refuse to explain it.

102) Threaten him whenever he doesn't allow Al to have a cat.

103) Whenever he yells at people for confusing him with Al, dramatically say that you're the _real_ FullMetal Alchemist.

104) Tell him that Pinako died from lung cancer.

105) Tell him that Winry was killed by Scar.

106) Tell him that scientists found out that Al was just a soul bonded to a suit of armor, so they're doing experiments on him.

107) Remind him that short rants won't get him anywhere in life.

108) Sign him up for anger management. (Thank you Cheap Toaster for 98-_108!_)

109) Ask him how he and Winry had kids (in detail.)

110) Tape photos of Mustang all over his room. Laugh when Winry slaps him for cheating on her.

111) Tape nude photos of Winry all over his room. Laugh harder when Winry starts yelling and hitting him for being such a perv.

112) Tell Ed that in the 1st anime his mom betrays him.

113) Tell him he also killed her again.

114) Say that Wrathy is his brother. Forget to mention that there's an anime Wrath.

115)convince him that the most popular pairing of all time is EdxBlack Hayate.

116) Hypnotize him into thinking that he's a girl in the middle of her period for a week.

117) Hypnotize him into thinking that RoyEd is HAWT. (XD)

118) Remind him that Envy was his long lost brother and should be kind to him.

119) Then remind him that Envy killed him anyway. (Thanks Queen NekoChan for 109-119!)

120) Steal his coat and dye it purple with pretty sparkles

121) Say that Alchemy can't beat your super magic, then throw glitter at him release a smoke bomb and run to make it look like you disappeared

122) Get him to watch the time Russell kicked his butt (points if Russell is there)

123) Send him a mug signed by Hoenheim saying World's #1 son

124) Tell anime Envy about this. Watch as he beats Ed to a quivering pulp out of jealous rage.

125) Show Ed that Envy kills him. Then show him how Mustang kills Envy. Mock him because Mustang could do it, but he couldn't.

126) Make him listen to modern day music and watch as he screams and tries to run. (Thnx Rose star 321 (again) for 120-123 and 125-126!)

127) Speaking of modern music, play him anything that has "Shawty" in it, and then say "Aw, look Ed! They wrote a song about you!" Watch as he trashes the radio.

128) After he trashes the radio, play the song again on your i-pod (as loud as possible)

129) Once he's destroyed your i-pod, put a CD with these songs on it in a CD player under his bed and play it (on a continuous loop) at night.

130) Find any anime Sloth pairings you can find and show them to Ed. PridexSloth is sure to creep him out, among other things.

131) Dress up as a palm tree and follow him around spouting things like "I lurve you chibi-chan!" and "Edvy rocks!"

132) Show him the EdLust pairing... While Lust is present. Watch as Lust tried to make shrimp-kabob.

133) Remind him that he and anime Envy are related. Whenever you see them close to each other, scream "INCEST!", then run.

134) Show him the Ed Pride (I still don't know what it is...)

135) Tell him the Ed Pride looks like a girl.

136) Tell him he looks like a girl anyway.

137) Tell him on his "Ways to Annoy" list, he got over 100 ways to annoy.

138) Then show him the list.

**Kyaaa! On my Word Doc, this doc is 6 pages long! ^_^ This is awesome ^_^ Thank you all for your awesome suggestions, these lists would not exist without you guys. Next up, we will be annoying Roy. You know you want to ;D**


	12. Roy

**This list... Is 10 pages long. 10. Pages. OMG.**

**Hi there. Sorry I took so long to update. I'm a teenager. We're lazy. Anyways, the list has finally made it! I'd like to thank everyone for their suggestions... And for not sending me threatening letters when I took so long to update XD Now, enjoy tormenting Roy. I know you love it XD**

181 Ways to get Roy to Burn You:

1) Pour buckets of water on him while it rains. Then call him useless

2) Tell him Hawkeye wanted to ask him out, but when she saw his "problems" she changed her mind and asked out Armstrong instead

3) Steal his gloves and explode his house.

4) Put him in a tiny miniskirt and exclaim, "NOW HOW DO YOU FEEL?" (Thank you, Thieving Alchemist)

5) Buy him a cat :]

6) Trick him into flying to Washington [the state] he'll probably never get a chance to use his flames :D

7) Show him the "Roy is dead sexy in a miniskirt!" clip :]

8) Show him Ed/Roy

9) Royai :D

10) Roy/Hughes?

11) Tie him to a pole and show him Roy/Armstrong with Armstrong in the same room :]

12) Tell Hughes Roy wants to see ALL of his pictures of Elicia

13) Father. Son. Synchronized. Swimming. With. Ed XD (EPIC. Thnx ELOSSS Alchemist)

14) Dump water on him and his gloves then put him into locked room full of chimeras.

15) Tape all of his wondrous yaoi pairing fanarts to his walls

16) Cry when he burns them

17) Tell him that Riza dumped him for Havoc

18) Tell him that Ed has more fangirls(watch the ensuing fight)

19) Tell him that Ed is hotter

20) Make all his past girlfriends meet at one place w/him(hide in a hole before the cat fight starts) (Thnx Rintin Destiny!)

21) Take him to Aqroya (pretty sure I spelt that wrong lol) and go boating. 'Accidently' bump into him and make him fall in the water. Comment on him being useless and laugh when he tries to use his flame attack on you. Disappear to Antartica shortly after. (Thnx Sketchling!)

22) Every time he enters a room, play the Superman theme song.

23) Every time he leaves a room, play "There Goes My Hero."

24) Get Ed and Al to sing "I Shot the sheriff" around him.

25) Once he goes blind, give him an eyepatch and tell him that he is now eligible to be Wrath's first mate on the "S.S. Arrogant Asshat." (XD)

26) Tell him to look up "Roy Mustang-Rule 63." Run to Toronto, Canada. (_I'm_ looking it up right now... *SCREAMS* PORN! *dies*)

27) At Maes's funeral, tell him that when he gets home, you two will play Clue. Assure him that will get his mind off of murder. (Thnx Flipy!)

28) Tell him that he got Riza pregnant when she was twelve and that's how Ed actually came about. She just never thought to tell him.

29) Follow him around saying "Roy, Roy, Roy Mustang" to the tune of snape snape Severus snape in Harry potter puppet pals.

30) Tell him that Olivier is going to steal everything from him. His position as Fuhrer, his subordinites, and as he becomes emo and tries to go to his emo corner tell him he stole that too (Oh yayz teh emo corner! Thank you Mew Phong for 28-30!)

31) Ask him why he can never get a date with Hawkeye.

32) Convince him he's useless even when it's a bright sunny day with no rain or water of any kind

33) Show him all the yaoi pairings with him. Then tell him that RoyxEd is the most popular pairing of all time (i'm pretty sure it is.)

34) Convince him that Black Hayate is the 2nd most popular character and beats him by 1,000,000 votes.

35) Then tell him that Ed beats Black Hayate by 1,000,000,000 votes.

36) Hypnotize him into thinking that RoyEd is HAWT? Make sure that it's at the same time when you hypnotize Ed into thinking that. Then when they snap out of it,they find themselves making out with each other and will definitely be scarred for life.

37) Make sure Hawkeye will never go out with him by telling her that Roy and Ed are already going out. When she says that's absolutely impossible,show her a detailed picture (aka "fanart") of Ed and Mustang out on a date. (

38) Give him a mini skirt. When he asks what it's for,tell him "but didn't you want all the girls in the military to wear one of these?"

39) When he denies the obvious fact that he's a girl,say "then why do I see you go into the girls bathroom every month?" make sure Hawkeye's around.(if you don't get this,which I think isn't very likely,then think about it real hard and ask yourself what happens to all girls every single month.)

40) Fill his desk with tampons and say "it'll help you a lot with your problems"

41) Act like a vicious fangirl and stalk him. When he tries to set you on fire, get out your trusty squirt bottle and put out his flames.

$2) Have him give Ed "The Talk" (Thnx Queen NekoChan for 31-$2- I mean, 42 XD)

43) Make him sing Hips Don't Lie with Riza... In public

44) Record it and put it on Youtube and show everyone in Central the video. Consider moving to California if you want to live.

45) Use said video as blackmail

46) Whenever you see him on the street, sing "It's Hard out There for a Pimp"

47) Tell Roy that Austria from Hetalia is more pimping than him

48) Tell Roy that Holland Novak from Eureka Seven is more pimping than him. Also tell Roy that Ed saw him make out with Talho from Eureka Seven (Holland's girlfriend) and King Bradley saw Holland make out with Riza.

49) When the above produces hilarious results, put Roy, Riza, Holland, Talho, Bradley, Ed, and Austria on Jerry Springer. Root for Ed when this happens.

50) Show Roy the security tapes from JCPenny from the time he shoplifted miniskirts from there.

51) Make him shop for Elicia with Hughes

52) Show him the picture where he is dressed as Snow White and Riza is dressed as the prince

53) Buy all the copies of Call of Duty: Black Ops so Roy can't get the game.

54) If Roy never gets the game, have Fuery knit him a Call of Duty: Black Ops Snuggie. Move to Shanghai if you value your life.

55) Make Roy organize a company picnic and World of Warcraft tournament to promote synergy and workplace relationships.

56) After the picnic is done, ask Roy, "If you were trying to improve workplace relationships, why did you almost kill Ed when he beat you at Call of Duty?"

57) Have Roy battle Ed at Pokémon. Make Roy's Pokémon have a type disadvantage over Ed's Pokémon and watch Ed beat Roy.

58) Show Roy the Zuiikin Girls. You know you want to, even if you'll probably be scarred for life at the aftermath. (Not even gonna try looking this up, not after rule 63... *shudders*)

59) Spy on Roy when he "does his paperwork". By, "does his paperwork", we mean, "plays Call of Duty: Black Ops".

60) Play Poker Face at full blast and on repeat whenever Roy is in the room.

61) Hide his miniskirts... In Riza or Bradley's rooms.

62) Play Hot in Here whenever he enters a room.

63) Play Big Pimping whenever he is with his "spies".

64) Introduce him to Sasuke Uchiha in front of many Sasuke haters/Roy fangirls.

65) Tell Roy that even in the fanfiction "Geishas of Winter", he never got to marry Aki because Crocodile thought Roy was, "too pimping".

66) Make his catchphrase, "Pimping ain't easy".

67) Tell him that he is the baby daddy of Ling and Mei. (Thank you Oxenstierna-chan for 43-67!)

68) Make him read the OlivierXRoy fics and show him the fanart. Bonus if Olivier is there.

69) Hide Riza's guns and blame it on him.

70) Steal his gloves. Go into the Witness Protection Program if you don't want to die.

71) Make him sing "Disco Inferno" in public while wearing a miniskirt. Run away very quickly. (Thank you Billea the Turtle (Awesome name XD) for 68-71)

72) Call him a pyromaniac and have Ed arrest him for arsons

73) Visit him in jail and laugh at him saying you got thrown in jail by a midget.

74) When he gets out tell him he doesn't have a chance with Riza cause she's already going out with Ed.

75) Call him a failure because his girl was stolen by someone half his size.

76) Ask him if he uses large explosions to 'compensate' (Thnx Jashinist Puppeteer 461 for 72-76)

77) Tell him he'll never be fhurer.

78) Whenever he tries to use his alchemy, toss the water on him

79) Tie him to a chair and force him to read Roy/Ed or Roy/Envy.

80) Put the part of the Chibi Episode where Hawkeye thanks the producers for not having anything between Roy and her on a continuous loop, with Roy tied down to a chair.

81) Show him Roy/Riza with Hawkeye in the room. Kudos if it's M for sexual content. Run for your life. (Thnx Yep 3x for 77-81!)

82) Lock him in a closet, tied up and then put the song "Baby" by JBieb on repeat for 5 straight hours... Or if you really wanted 2 be evil 3 days XP

83) Paste Justin Bieber posters all over his office, and when his subordinates or anyone walks in and sees the poster, smirk at Roy and say "looks like someone's got Bieberfever" watch his face turn red then run like heckXD (Lol, thnx Animeaddict for 82-83)

84) sneak up behind him and yell ED IS THE BEST STATE ALCHEMST EVER!

85) convince him Hughes will haunt him for not protecting him

86) every time he snaps his fingers snap yours and say OK like in Phineas and Ferb (better yet bring that ok guy to meet mustang)

87) tell Armstrong mustang would love to hear about all the traits passed down through the Armstrong generations

89) then lock them in the same room and if you value your life you will hide in France and if Ed does find you convince him you don't speak his language

90) play Fire from camp rock 2 every time he walks in (Oh yayz, Disney child, I'm not alone!) (Thanks Rose Star 321 for 84-90)

91) Convince Ed to help you make statues and posters of Roy in a miny skirt and disperse them all around Amestris.

92) Convince Ed that Roy is his father (thus Ed will beat Roy up).

93) Show him the FMA chibi party!

94) Refuse to call him anything other then Baka, Mr Pirate or any other insult you can think of.

95) Ask him where his parrot is. Constantly! (Thanks Akatsuki no Nami for 91-95)

96) Call him a pedophile for being in love with Ed.

97) When he denies it, show him a well-drawn picture of EdRoy from DeviantArt.

98) Introduce him to RoyXEnvy (it exists)

99) Tell Riza that he burned all his paperwork when she wasn't looking.

100) Show him all the fanfiction he's in! (Thank you Celtic-chan for 96-100!)

101) Introduce him to pokemon. Hack his game so that the only thing that ever appears is Ponyta.

102) Swap the circle on his gloves for one that'll dump a gallon of water on his head every time he snaps his fingers.

103) Convince everyone that what he wants for his birthday is to go to a water park.

104) Convince Central that Roy wants to be blasted by water guns.

105) Introduce him to Envy fangirls. (When this happens, I'll be there screaming "DIE BITCH DIE!" and going after him with a flamethrower)

106) Ban him from Central on the premise that he's a fire hazard.

107) Give him fire extinguishers for his birthday (Thnx Starlightneko for 101-107! lulz XD)

108) Show him BradleyxRoy

109) Tell him that Black Hayate would make a better Fuhrer than he would

110) Tell him Hughes was having an affair with Envy...(first anime/movie)

111) Sing pirate shanties whenever he shows his face... (Thnx ABC for 108-111!)

112) Promote everyone to a higher rank than him.

113) Accompany him on dates and make awkward comments.

114) Whenever he tries to be serious, pelt him with water balloons.

115) Get him drunk, film him, then show the video to everyone.

116) Constantly hint that Hawkeye is dating someone.

117) Sing his song "I'm the Flame Alchemist" from the extras in Vol. 12. Do this when he's surrounded by other people.

118) Refer to him only as RoyBoy.

119) Lock him outside in the rain, then stand in a window and laugh at him.

120) Flirt with Hawkeye. (Thnx Draco Libro for 112-120!)

121) Be his therapist to "help" him get over his fear of water.

122) Put water in all his desk drawers... say it's part of his therapy.

123) Get him tested for STDs.

124) Overreact whatever the result of his testing is.

125) Tell him that he should find the kids he surely has somewhere.

126) Remind him that he has to pay child support for his many kids. Bonus points of this is done in front of Riza.

127) Dare him to go two years without calling Edward "short" or anything that's a synonym to that... he can't even imply Edward is.

128) If he fails, tell him he owes you all his paychecks for five years. Laugh when he becomes a homeless man and has to live at a homeless shelter. You better move to an uncharted island after you do this though.

129) Annoy him about the mustache he grew after Brotherhood ended.

130) Shave his mustache off because you think it's some sort of new disease.

131) When Riza's out of the room, throw an office party and blame it on Roy.

132) Get Roy wasted right before work. Watch Riza yell at him... Run for your life when he tells her it was you who gave him all that alcohol.

133) Tell him that Black Hayate is the best behaved man in the office. When he does the "he's a dog" argument, tell him that it doesn't matter, Hayate still has guy parts.

134) Tell him that the weakest and most cowardly man you know has more balls than him.

135) Convince him to get sparkles like Armstrong.

136) Send Olivier flowers with a card that says they're from Roy. Watch as she attempts to kill him. (Thanx Cheap Toaster fot 121-136 XD)

137)Force him, Envy, and Scar to share a group hug. :D

138) Show him ScarXRoy

139) Or Black HayateXRoy (I'VE SEEN IT. I'VE. SEEN. IT.) (I BELIEVE YOU. I. BELIEVE. YOU.)

140) Soak his clothes in oil (or anything highly flammable) and see what happens.

141) Dress Ed, Armstrong, Havoc, Bradley and/or Gluttony in a miniskirt and send them to him.

142) Yell "FIRE OMGOMGOMG RUN!" Then push him and dump water on him every time he snaps his fingers.

143) Sing "Fire Burning on the Dance floor" every time he snaps his fingers in battle.

144) Send Riza a mini skirt saying it's from him. THEN RUN.

145) Give Mustang any and all paperwork in the office, even if it Isn't Really his and tell him he HAS to fill it out to become Fuhrer.

146) In a meeting, randomly walk up to him, saying you saw him watching you in the shower last night, or he needs 'protection' next time. (Bonus points if you're a guy, or you get Ed to do it.)

147) Tell him there's a new law; you MUST pay dogs to follow you around.

148) Wash his gloves, pretending to be all innocent about it.

149) Send Youtube videos of Ed kicking Roy's Ass

150) Tie him to a chair and play the miniskirt line over and over.

151) Lock him in an aquarium.

152) With a shark.

153) Or Ed.

154) Lock him in a room with Anime!Sloth.

155) When he is making the new law that women must wear miniskirts, cross out the 'wo' in women. Now get your ass to Xing.

156)Print out this list and post it all around HQ.

157) Send him to a rain forest of choice.

158) Send him to Briggs.

159) Clone Oliver and send her clones to Central.

160) Burn Oliver's belongings (Including the Armstrong Estate) and blame it on Mustang.

161) In front of everyone, especially Riza, scream "Mustang! Your boyfriend's here!"

162) Strategically plan #162 so Ed/Armstrong walks in at the exact same time.

163) Tell him he was demoted/fired for burning to many things.

164) Tattoo an Ouroborus mark on him and convince him he's a Homunculus.

165) Convince him he's the re-incarnation of Bradley. Tell him he's got the eye patch and everything.

166) Convince him he's Fuhrer (When he actually isn't). Watch him stroll in to Bradley's office and then get demoted and/or fired.

167) Play Light My Fire by The Doors when he enters the room. (LOLOLOLOLOL XD Thnx Stitched-On Smiles for 137-167!)

168) Burn all his paperwork...after he's signed it

169) Replace his gloves with fakes and when he next tries to use flame alchemy proclaim, Loudly, "Wow Sir, forget the wet part, your just useless!"

170) set a rematch for Fullmetal vs Flame, on a rainy day

171) Call him all sorts of nicknames including: Colonel Sparky, Colonel Horsey,old man, etc

172) Tell these nicknames to Ed

173) Petition a rule that if all women in the military have to wear miniskirts then the men do to! Have Hawkeye with you when you get people to sign so you can guarantee that NO-ONE refuses to sign it.

174) Sew Armstrong's sparkles into his gloves so that every time Mustang snaps his fingers a poof of sparkles appears

175) Shave a smiley face into the back of his head (XD Thnx WingedBirdy for 168-175!)

176) Bring Envy into the HQ and have him follow Roy around so he can pose whenever Roy mentions 'miniskirts'

177) Stick an i-pod under his bed with nothing but fir-related songs on it (Suggestions: Disco Inferno, Love is a Burning Thing, Ring of Fire, Sex is on Fire, We Didn't Start the Fire) and put it on a continuous loop (make sure it's in a charger so it NEVER DIES)

178) Tell him that he's so pathetic, Riza would rather go out with Black Hayate than with him.

179) Then tell him that she _is_ going out with Black Hayate instead of him.

180) Remind him that Axel will ALWAYS be a better pyro than him.

181) Tell him that I was _going_ to try and go for 200 on his "How to Annoy" list, but gave up cuz he's too useless.

* * *

**That took way too long... I need to stay on top of this stuff...**

**Next up is... Um... How about Al? Not that we wanna annoy the cutie, but I gotta do it eventually, right?**

**Before you send in your suggestions -I just want to ask you all a favor: When you send in your suggestions, could you please not number them? Or put any "- or . or ~" before/after them? When I make the lists, there's a lot of copying, pasting, and deleting involved, and it takes a _loooonnnng_ time. I spent almost two hours on this one (Partly because I waited so long to update... T~T). It just makes it even more time consuming to change the #s and delete the periods and lines and stuff. Also, capitalizatiom in important people... And spacing between the sentences? I know I'm being nittpicky and annoying and half of the suggestions I get will probably ignore this note (XD) butif you could, please? Thank you all so much ^_^**

**~Ip**


	13. Al

**Hey everyone! I know, I know... I always take too long to update T.T I had a reason this time though! I received a review reminding me that this list is illegal according to Fanfiction rules... I was going to try to fix it, but then I realized it was going to take forever, and I would have to reconstruct the entire thing... And I don't have that sort of time. So, I'm going to continue it anyway, and hey, if it gets taken down... Well, it had a great run, right? So... Please grit your teeth and bare with me as we torment poor, sweet Alphonse... I'm sorry Al, I still love you!**

* * *

110 Ways to Make Alphonse Elric cry (and to make us want to hug him)

1) Give Alphonse a Registeel. Next, give Roy an Entei. Make them do a Pokémon battle and see what happens.

2) Make him head a support group consisting of Natsu Dragneel, Portgas D. Ace, Sasuke Uchiha, Gym Leader Blaine, Gym Leader Flannery, Elite Four Member Flint, General Yamamoto, and Roy. When he realizes that all the people in the room use fire-related powers, lock him in the room with the support group and tell the support group, "See how long you can go without killing Alphonse".

3) Do the same as above, but replace the fire users support group with an electric users support group consisting of Hei, Eneru, Skinn Bolic, Gym Leader Lt. Surge, Gym Leader Wattson, and Gym Leader Volkner.

4) Show Alphonse an episode of Is it a Good Idea to Microwave This? When he asks why, just say, "This will be your future if you don't stop playing with kitties and start blackmailing Mustang."

5) Show him the scene in The Brave Little Toaster where Toaster is having that nightmare where he's on fire and then dangling above a pool of water.

6) Introduce him to Celty Sturlson, who is also a soul inhabiting a body.

7) See if a character created by CLAMP can fit inside of him.

8) Have Mei-chan, Selim Bradley, and Elysia ride inside of Al all day.

9) Take him and Riza to the shooting range... So Riza can use him as target practice for failure to blackmail Roy. ( 0_o T.T)

10) Take him to a Renaissance Faire and leave him there. XD

11) See if he can conduct enough electricity to power a television by making him run in a hamster wheel.

12) Have Ed record the above video and post it on the web.

13) Call him "Alphonse Heidrich".

14) Send him to Alphonse Heidrich's world. Please move to Ireland if you value your life and you don't want Ed to kill you over his missing brother.

15) Tell Alphonse he's worse than Justin Bieber: He was a kid, then he hit puberty, then he sounded like a kid again.

16) To prove that point, make him sing "Baby" at Central's karaoke night.

17) Show him tapes of the other karaoke night.

18) Attempt to burn him as an effegy on Walpurgis Night to honor the ghost of Trisha Elric. (Again: 0_o T.T)

19) Forge his handwriting to write love letters to Mei-chan from Al. If you value your life, we suggest getting a face lift and moving to Los Angeles after this.

20) Try and turn him into a slot machine. If you want to avoid a very pissed-off Winry, consider becoming a hitchhiker.

21) Play "I Like It" by Pitbull feat. Enrique Iglesias whenever he enters a room.

22) Tell him that his brother is girly for having the same voice actor as Uesugi Kenshin and then tell Al that he is also girly for having the same voice actor as Liechtenstein.

23) Tell Roy that Al has the same voice actor as Liechtenstein and tell him to spread the word.

24) Play "The Seven Deadly Sins" by Flogging Molly when he enters a room. It will bring back memories of the family reunion with the Homunculi.

25) Show footage of said family reunion at Central's film festival. (Holy crap that's a lot... Thanks, Oxenstierna, for 1-25!)

26) Tell him his girlfriend will never like him more than a panda.

27) Tell him that his hair looks funny. (Yay Mew Phong! Thnx for 26 + 27)

28) Pretend to play the drums on his armor with a spoon..it'll get annoying

29) Bring him to a Catery but bring Ed so he can't get a cat

30) Play "Mr Roboto when ever he enters the room..."

31) Ask him if he's a robot

32) Tell him a detailed description on what Elricest is

33) Tell him "haha your voiced by a GIRL"

34) Tell him 'the only reason Mei likes you is because her first choice was taken..." (Thanks ELOSSS Alchemist for 25-34)

35) Tell him Alphonse Heindrich was a better brother to Ed. Watch as Ed tells him it's not true. For a week.

36) Poke his blood seal. Each time make a large BLOOP noise.

37) Ask him why his life kinda sucks in almost every ending of Bluebird's Illusion.

38) Tell him "kittens suck" and watch as the apocalipse takes place.

39) Tell him you liked him way better when he was a kid

40) Tell him he looks cute with Mei

41) Follow him forever impersonating Mei high pitch voice and laugh when he tries to plug his ears

42) Ask him if it "Sucks having NO BODY!" in public

43) Ask him if he and Truth are buddies

44) Ask him if they made a secret hand shake.

45) Even when he says no plead him to teach it to you.

46) Steal his loin cloth and yell "OH MY GOD you're naked!"

47) Run around with his loin cloth like a super man cape

48) Jump on his back and refuse to get off

49) When he enters the room yell "OMIGOD! IRONMAN!

50) Go inside him (Thanks Princess for 35-50!)

51) Convince him he'll never get a girlfriend because he's way too sensitive.

52) Ask him if he likes guys... in a romantic way.

53) Be a complete and total bastard to him and convince him that all his memories are things that Edward created... Apologize after he becomes suicidal.

54) When he's a suit of armor, use his armor as a fort.

55) Give him a pet rock for his birthday.

56) Tell him Edward is in a romantic relationship with Roy.

57) Take him through a pet store or animal shelter and point out all the cats he CANNOT have. Watch as he begs Edward to allow him to adopt them all.

58) Tell the police that Alphonse has been kidnapping cats.

59) Tell everyone in Amestris that Al is an empty suit of armor. Run once the scientists take him. (Thanks Cheap Toaster for 51-59 -And you're right, I don't have a soul XD)

60) Introduce him to AlXLing!

61) Call him Tin Man.

62) Ask him if he has a heart.

63) Introduce him to AlXWrath.

64) Invite Greed's chimera to a party inside Al's armor.

65) Ask Al if him and Martel are dating.

66) Set him up on a blind date...with Barry! (XDDDD)

67) Get him Fetus!Envy as a Christmas present. (Thanks Celtic-chan for 60-67!)

68) Tell him that Greed and Martel are his real parents

69) Give him to a history teacher to use for a lesson on knights

70) Ask if he wants to go swimming

71) Tell him that his English voice actor voices Sealand from Hetalia, and that he will never be a real nation

72) Tell him that his Japanese voice actor also voices Xiao-mei and Katherine Elle

73) Tell him that cats are the accomplices of Satan and that they steal people's breath when you try to sleep

74) Make him listen to "Fly Like a G 6" on repeat and say "this is what young people your age listen to, right?"

75) Talk to him about "peer pressure and other such issues vulnerable teens like you often fall prey to but can be saved from with the help of some special pamphlets"

76) Tell him that because of Hohenheim, he is a half-sibling of Roy, Marcoh, Winry, Cornello, and Armstrong (XDDDDD Thanks ABCoyote, for 68-76! U Rock!)

77) Tell him you know how to get his body back when he asks how say "I won't tell."

78) Give him allllll the cats he wants but send the angry Ed to chase him afterwards

79) Tell Mei Chang that Al use to fight over who would marry Winry

80) Remember to add the fact that Al won

81) Team up with Ed and tell Al that the cat he hid was evil and killed Ed while Ed is hiding (it's a plot so he won't take more cats)

82) ALWAYS talk about how great something tasted

83) Use him as a shield

84) Steal his head and use it like a soccer ball (LOL, Thanks rose star 321 for 77-84!)

85) Stick a sign on his back that says "100% Recyclable," preferably with refrigerator magnets. When Ed explodes with rage, hide out in Tijuana for a few years. |_~(Lol, thnx Sugarpunch18)

86) Convince him he is Iron Man.

87) Play the Iron Man theme song every time he walks in.

88) Ask him what Martel was REALLY doing in his armor.

89) Fill him with concrete so he can't move.

90) Tie him to a post and make him watch kittens frolicking.

91) Cut off his helmet feather and stick it in Ed's hair. (Thanks Rintin Destiny for 86-91!)

92) Show him some EdxAl fanfics and tell him that Ed really wanted him to see it Move to Japan for 30 years after Ed finds out

93) Tell him the real reason Ed wants his body back (make of that what you will)

94) Make him look at 'detailed' RoyEd pictures on the Internet while Ed and Roy are in the room (Who knew armor could blush)

95) Force him to hear 'The Talk' from Hawkeye while everyone is there

96) Scream IT'S A GHOST ARMOR whenever Al walks by you (XD, Thanks MOeMoE KaGAmI for 92-96!)

97) Make him watch a video of cats dying over and over again. (;;)

98) Hold a kitten out of his reach and every time he tries to get it hold it further out of his reach.

99) Put him in a room with his really crazy fangirls.

100) Turn him into a dog and watch as all the cats run away from him. (Thnx Akatsuki no Nami for 97-100!)

101) Call him fat (one of the extras in the manga shows him exercising, trying to get skinny.)

102) Get Ed a cat for his birthday, making a card that SPECIFICALLY says the cat is for Ed. (Thanks Seize the Rain, for 101-102!)

103) Show him the Genie-Al extras, then make him watch all the scenes in Aladin where Genie sings.

104) Put these songs on an i-pod, sneak the i-pod into his armor, and put it on a continuos loop.

105) Refuse to call him anything other than Aladin.

106) Read AlxWinry fics aloud while he, Winry and Ed are in the same room.

107) Show him Edvy. Watch as he goes to confront Ed.

108) Paste pics of all his yaoi pairings on his wall -or better yet, on his armor XD

109) Paste pics of all Ed's yaoi pairings on his wall/armor.

110) Paste Elricest fanart on his armor and make sure Ed sees it too.

111) Take pictures of this and put them up in the HQ. Everywhere.

* * *

**Alright, there it was. Some of these just made me cringe. I'm so sorry Al! *Hugs Al, gives him a box of kittens to play with* Anyways, thank you all for your suggestions, sorry if my own ideas sucked, and a special thanks to all of you who paid attention to my little note last time and didn't add their own numbers, or little -'s and .'s. Your efforts did not go unnoticed. For those who paid attention, you get cookies. For those of you who never used their own numbers/-/., you get an extra cookie :) And for those of you who ignored me/forgot/didn't care... Well one, I don't blame you, and two... No cookie for you.**

**Next up is... Hoenheim! Let's annoy Ho-ho pappy! And I already got the "Call him Ho-Ho", so don't bother. And people, remember: Hoenheim is spelled: "H-O-E-N-H-E-I-M" Got it? Thanks! **


	14. Van Hoenheim

**I'm back, I have no excuse, I'm lazy, blah blah blah, don't hit me.**

**Thank you all for your suggestions, as always, and now that it's summer hopefully I'll have more time to do this... But I have stuff to do! I have a life- Oh wait, what am I talking about? No I don't XD**

107 Ways to Piss of Hoenheim

1) Introduce manga Hoenheim to anime Envy. Watch from a safe location as the chaos ensues. Poor Hoenheim won't know what hit'm...

2) Tell Rose Hoenheim wants to marry her (hide in Xing for a year after she walks up to Hoenheim in a wedding dress XD)

3) Repeat what was done above but instead of Rose its Ross

4) Tell him after he left Trisha threw a party

5) Tell him Trisha declared him legally dead and collected insurance

6) Tell him all Homunculi are related to him as nephews/nieces because of Father and he needs to be a good uncle

7) Put him and Father side by side and watch the homunculi fail to choose the real Father

8) Ask if he has a kid with Pinako and look at Mustang

9) Tell him Dante cheated on him... With a palm tree (:D)

10) Ask him what number wife Trisha was (Oohhh... Burn XD)

11) Get him and Dante AND Trisha into the same room and ask who he loves more (Dante is spelled with an a, not a o)

12) Get him and Ed Envy and Al into the same room and ask who his favorite son is. (Dude I wanna write this fic...)(Thnx Rosestar 321 for 2-12!)

13) Ask him if Father is his brother and if so, what kind of family is that?

14) Tell him Trisha is having an affair-with Dante (Dude XD)

15) Give him a Happy Father's Day card forged from Envy saying "give me a call"

16) Say that he looks good for 400 years old and ask if he could recommend any plastic surgeons

17) Have him go on Doctor Phil with Ed and Al

18) Have him go on Jerry Springer with the other four human sacrifices

19) Have him go on Maury with Sloth, Envy and Dante...(both versions)

20) Ask if he has *any other children we need to know about*

21) Ask that question while gesturing to Maria, Kimblee, and Hughes

22) Invite him to a Father's Day dinner without Ed's permission

23) Call him 'Father', and then say "well you look exactly alike except Father is more fashionable." (Thank you AB Coyote for 13-23!)

24) Tell him that his twin wears a dress.

25) Tell him that he's crazy to even think about reproducing with Dante (I think he knows that now XD)

26) Constantly remind him that he was Slave #23

27) And that he killed everyone in Xerxes. (;;)

28) Tell him that he and Father had a "more-than-friends" thing going on (Thanks Anon for 24-28, and thanks for not numbering, .ing ot -ing your suggestions ^^)

29) Tell him that Trisha is *insert mean word of your choice here*

30) As above but with Ed or Al.

31) Tell him that Father is his GOOD twin brother. (Thanks Akatsuki no Nami for 29-31!)

32) Tell him that Trisha lied and Bradley is actually his son, not Al.

33) Ask him how his date with Pinako went.

34) Tell him that he's not really immortal. He's just schizophrenic. (XD)

35) Put Envy on his lap and force him to tell Envy bedtime stories.

36) Force him to give Bradley "the talk".

37) Force him to give Envy "the talk".

38) Force him to give Father "the talk". (Thanks Queen NekoChan for 32-38!)

[report review for abuse] Super Kawaii Summer

39) Call him Father for the rest of his life. (Thanks Super Kawaii Summer!)

[report review for abuse] Thieving Alchemist

40) Call him a "hoe"

41) Dress him up in a Santa Claus suit and make him scream his new name

42) Pull his hair

43) Steal his glasses and when he asks for them back, deny it is his. When he tries to take it back, sprawl on the ground screaming "IM BLIND!" extra points if you're in a crowded place

44) Tell him that Ed loves him again. Watch what happens (Thanks Thieving Alchemist for 40-44!)

45) Ask him if he left Dante because she was getting to old.

46) Play some stupid rap song whenever he enters/leaves a room.

47) Tell Ed that Hoenheim left Trisha to get back with Dante. If you wanna live a semi-long life hide in a cave and hope neither Ed or Hoenheim finds you.

48) Convince EVERYONE in FMA that he prefers to be called "Ho-Ho"

49) Following him around asking stupid questions.

50) Every time you see him yell "FATHER!" and run away.

51) Show him Hoenheim/Ed

52) Show him Hoenheim/Al

53) Show him Elricest (Extra points if you convince him it's real)

54) Show him Ed/Mustang (Again, extra points~) Laugh at his horror.

55) Tell him Ed replaced him with Hughes.

56) Ask him why he even had that creepy armor to begin with...(Thnx Yep yep yep for 45-56!)

57) Replay the scene where he sees everyone he loves die. (;;)

58) Ask why he didn't just smash the damn flask. Then this would've never happened

59) When in a room with Hoenheim, Ed, and Al, tell him that Ed and Al are in love and wish for his blessing to be married. Escape to north pole to avoid Ed's wrath

60) Ask him if he's a manwhore

61) If he says no, then ask why his name starts with 'HO'

62) Ask how he has two sexy-ass sons if he's so ugly (XD)

63) Call him Four Eyes

64) Offer to take him shopping so he can stop wearing those clothes. (so 200 years ago!)

65) Call him a deadbeat for leaving his kids.

66) Ask how many kids he's had. After he tell you, call him a slut

67) Tell him father has more fangirls than he ever will. watch him cry. (You know it's true)

68)Show him father/hoenheim fanfics. Make sure father is in the room. (Thank you Tatiyana for 57-68! And it's okay, I'm a stalker too XD)

69) Convince him that Trisha NEVER loved him and only had his babies to make him happy.

70) Tell him Trisha was happier once he left.

71) Play Trisha's death scene over and over and over and over...

72) Play Ed and Al's human transmutation attempt scene over and over and over and over...

73) Call him a pedophile. If he asks why, explain how much older he was than Trisha.

74) Tell him the souls are plotting against him.

75) Shave off his beard while he's sleeping. Scream and point at his face when you see him next.

76) Simply stare at him. (Thanks Cheap Toaster for 69-76!)

77) Tell him, "You can't spell Hohenheim without the 'Ho'." Get a makeover and move to Shanghai after this to avoid HoHoRage. (It's so true)

78) Make Hohenheim define HoHoRage. See what happens.

79) Show him the Hohenheim dress up game on Deviantart. (0_o Holy crap that exists?)

80) On said dress up game, make him dress himself up in the dress.

81) Then, dress him in the dress IRL.

82) Take him to Macy's. Tell him that you have to go to the bathroom, and then ditch him for no reason.

83) When he escapes Macy's, ask him "Did you survive the perfume department?" (XD)

84) Put him in a box and mail him to Russia.

85) Replace all of his epic battle music with Owl City's "The Bird and the Worm".

86) When you replace the music, watch him bash a chair over Gluttony's head as happy, lighthearted music plays in the background.

87) Put a hedgehog in his pillowcase. Then, put another one down his pants. (S-Sonic? ;;)

88) Set him up on a blind date... With Bradley's wife, Izumi Curtis, or Oliver Mira Armstrong.

89) Force him to watch Hayate the Combat Butler.

90) Blackmail him with pictures of him dressed as a schoolgirl.

91) Make him adopt Mei-chan. (Now we're tormenting Mei!)

92) Make him throw a princess party for Mei-chan... With Papa HoHo as Mei's prince!

93) Make Hohenheim get into a cat fight with first anime!Sloth.

94) Buy him a snakeskin-print miniskirt with matching heels.

95) Tell HoHo that he looks fierce.

96) Replace all of his badass music with Rebecca Black, Justin Bieber, Miley Cyrus, and Ke$ha songs.

97) Put Hohenheim, Al, and Ed in a room and make them watch Jersey Shore. You have permission to laugh really hard when Papa HoHo tells his kids that the cast of Jersey Shore is a bad influence on them.

98) Make him dress up like a hippie... With a skateboard.

99) Make him read Wuthering Heights. If he doesn't get why, tell him, "It's about how to love your dead wifey." We reccommend that you move to Ukraine after this. (Thank you Oxenstierna-can for 77-99! U rock!)

100) Set him up on a date with Dante.

101) Convince Dante to stalk him forever.

102) Tell him he's a horrible father for leaving his kids, and make him spend the day with a really grumpy Edward Elric.

103) Call him a pimp.

104) Lock him in a room with Sloth (I think we did this already...)

105) Convince him that May Chang, Selim Bradley and Wrath (first anime) are his kids too.

106) Introduce him to Manga!Sloth. Somehow convince him that manga!Sloth and aqua!Sloth are one and the same.

107) Show Alphonse the list of "110 Ways to Make Alphonse Elric cry", and then convince him that Hoenheim wrote it. Move to Iceland if you want to live. (Thanks Celtic-chan for 100-107!)

**Okay, I finally did it... HoHo is fun to mock X3 Next up...**

**...**

**Hmm... I guess we'll do... Riza! Yay! If you have any way to mock her, send it in!**


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